Today I did a stair climb at Mile High Stadium to benefit cystic fibrosis. I did it. I finished it. I wasn't fast. In fact, I was pretty close to dead last. Now, I do know that there were people that did not complete the whole course and I don't know where their time is compared to mine. But it doesn't really matter. I just do not feel good about how I did today.
When I first finished, I was happy to have finished, to have completed a challenge I would not have considered a year or so ago; however, now I am feeling just a tad bit defeated. I am not sure why. I just took a Epsom salt bath (nature's cure all) and found myself thinking about how I just do not feel like I have improved at anything physically in quite some time and how I must be fooling myself thinking that I don't look ridiculous out there doing these physical challenge. I was in tears in the bathtub. How ridiculous is that?
Why am I feeling this way? I am not sure. It could just be the adrenaline catching up with me. I do hope that it does not keep me from trying. I mean, I truly believe that dead last is better than did not finish which trumps did not start. I need to hold on to that. I need to get over this defeatist feeling that I have right now.
I answered your comment over at my place. Congratulations on the stair climbing. We tend to be hard on ourselves don't we? We don't lose fast enough, we don't stair climb fast enough, we aren't perfect dieters, and the list goes on. This battle is won or lost in the mind. I say go get a manicure, buy yourself some bubble bath, some fresh flowers for the kitchen, or something to help you feel better about yourself. Take care.
ReplyDeleteyes. I do think that we are harder on ourselves. My husband has tried to tell me that so many times over the past day. I did take it easy today and just had some fun with friends...and actually talked running with the husband of a friend, which was good for me. Thanks for the comment! I need to schedule a manicure or a massage soon...that may be just the ticket.
DeleteI think to you, the journey is the better experience; not the race you were building up to..ya know? So all your training for the stair climb was the fun part; not the actual stair climb...that part was just there. So maybe it feels like a let down b/c you were thinking it SHOULD feel like more after all the work to get there. Just an idea as to why you're feeling defeated...maybe just appreciate the journey and realize the event will never be "all that". I've cried in a bathtub before; that's not too unusual! I am crazy proud of you and obviously a ton of other people are...so tell that voice in your head to shhhhhush.
ReplyDeleteThat could be. I am not sure though but i am going to think on it a bit. I do like the training part of it. that is for sure and maybe you are right that when it is over, it is a let down because it should feel more "magnificent" with all the work that went in.
DeleteI do think that is some insight. I still am a bit blah about it all. Time to just slap myself on the face and get on with it.
Thanks!
I agree with Heather, I get that way on race day sometimes as well. And if I know I did better in my training then on race day I sometimes feel like the training was a waste of time, cause did it really help me?
ReplyDeleteStupid, right???
yeah, that Heather chick is pretty smart....
DeleteIt is crazy because I can run more than 3 miles on my own but I haven't finished running a full 5K yet...I always have to walk some....BUT I keep trying! I hope you do too!