Today I did a stair climb at Mile High Stadium to benefit cystic fibrosis. I did it. I finished it. I wasn't fast. In fact, I was pretty close to dead last. Now, I do know that there were people that did not complete the whole course and I don't know where their time is compared to mine. But it doesn't really matter. I just do not feel good about how I did today.
When I first finished, I was happy to have finished, to have completed a challenge I would not have considered a year or so ago; however, now I am feeling just a tad bit defeated. I am not sure why. I just took a Epsom salt bath (nature's cure all) and found myself thinking about how I just do not feel like I have improved at anything physically in quite some time and how I must be fooling myself thinking that I don't look ridiculous out there doing these physical challenge. I was in tears in the bathtub. How ridiculous is that?
Why am I feeling this way? I am not sure. It could just be the adrenaline catching up with me. I do hope that it does not keep me from trying. I mean, I truly believe that dead last is better than did not finish which trumps did not start. I need to hold on to that. I need to get over this defeatist feeling that I have right now.